185. I asked God for a bike. Then I realized that’s not how it works, so I stole one and asked for forgiveness.
186. My bucket list is just one item: survive long enough to see my kids pay their own bills.
187. I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.
188. The real flex at 40+ is still having the same phone number from 2008 and no outstanding warrants.
189. My spirit animal is a sloth that’s had one too many existential crises.
190. I told my wife she’s the only one for me. She said, “Good, because no one else would put up with you either.”
