165. I have 99 problems and 86 of them are because I said “yes” when I meant “no.”
166. The only thing my plants and my dreams have in common is that they both died.
167. My family group chat is just everyone sending memes about how therapy is expensive.
168. I’m not saying I’m old, but my childhood friends are all on blood pressure meds and still argue about politics in the comments.
169. Death is just life’s way of saying “You’ve reached the end of the free trial.”
